Things I hate
Here’s a list of 5 things that annoy me:
- Prayer voices – I get annoyed when people at church use a different voice to pray. They may be talking totally normal, but when it comes to pray they almost moan or use a type or raspy whisper. Does God hear these prayers better if they come from a strange voice? If I do this unknowingly please punch me in the face.
- That ketchup juice which comes out before the actual condiment – Sometimes I forget to shake the ketchup bottle before I open and squeeze onto my bun. This slight party foul will cause my bun to become soggy and displeasing. Do I get a new bun and feel wasteful? Actually, that’s another annoyance, bun numbers not coinciding with hotdog numbers.
- Papyrus font – If you live in the church world or if you are a designer you have seen this font used way too much. I don’t want to bust any bubbles, BUT: 1) It doesn’t look ancient. 2) It doesn’t look middle eastern. 3) It definitely doesn’t look cool. IT JUST LOOKS LAME!
- Bad communion breath – If you go to church you know what I’m talking about. The recipe is:
Small breakfast + tons of bad church coffee + 1 or more hours of singing + small piece of bread and shot of grape juice
= The worst breath imaginable.
We should hand out mints after service on communion Sunday. - Solicitors who say they aren’t soliciting – I hate it when my doorbell rings, I get up from my comfy couch, only to realize I don’t know the person at my door and he has a clipboard. He says, “He bro, how’s it going?” even though I don’t know him. I say, “Sorry, we don’t accept solicitations.” which is a kind way of saying, please let me get back to my couch. He says, “Oh, I’m net selling anything.” Oh really, and then 5 minutes later he wants me to buy something.
As you can see, I have issues.
